Today’s oh-dear-God-should-I-laugh-or-cry is found at Sadly, No! by way of Fistful of Euros. It’s the halp-halp-the-scary-Muslims-are-coming-BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA-blog Gates of Vienna* who presents us with a map of what Europe will look like in 2067, unless we start deporting/converting/killing/rounding up/turning away Muslims and produce more white babies. Where is Europe headed? they ask (in trembling voices). Well, apparently towards this:
So, we’ll have the Muslim states (with funny names like Al-Lemania and Al-Italia!), the Russian federation and the Russian protectorates, a demilitarized zone and some “neutral” states, which besides seemingly ever-neutral Switzerland also includes the Czech Republic (huh?!?). Germany will for some inexplicable reason be divided along the old iron curtain borders and Yugoslavia will magically reunite. Also, Turkey seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth.
This map is like one of those “find five faults” picture games times a million.
And as Alex Harrowell at a Fistful of Euros aptly points out: if this whole thing is about demography, do they really think that Russia doesn’t have a demographics problem?
Yeah, I need to stop laughing now, my stomach hurts.
*I ain’t linking, but click on the Sadly, No! link and continue from there.
The Swedish telephone directory inquiry service 118 800 wants to train their operators to sound “sensual”, and is sending them to a speech trainer. The managing director, who himself also will take part in the speech training, says that the customers wants to hear “involved” voices, like speakers on TV-commercials. Because everybody just loves commercials! And there is nothing more sensual than a husky voice trying to sell toilet cleaner.
The managing director quickly points out that they have both men and women employed, with all kinds of accents and dialects. He also says that the operators are allowed to speak however they want. So then what is the point of making them sound sensual? I don’t get it.
And what will the speech training sound like? Speech trainer: So, let’s try a little role play here. I’ll be the client calling asking for a number, and you’ll play yourself as the operator taking the call. Okay, let’s start. Operator in training: Hello, welcome to the directory inquiry. How may I help you? Speech trainer: I’m going to stop you right there. That wasn’t very sensual, now was it? You need to lower your voice, make it sound like you’re moaning a little. Think about something that makes you really really…hot. And that welcoming phrase is way too clinical. Try something like this: Hello, stranger. How can I please you tonight? I’ll give you whatever you want… Operator in training: Wouldn’t that confuse the customers? They might think that they have dialed another number. Company director, overhearing the conversation: Now dear, you know what we think about negative attitudes at this workplace. Remember who pays you salary. 99 percent right is 100 percent wrong! Now let me show you how it’s done…
Update: I missed that the article says that the speech training is voluntary for the operators. Still creepy though.
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