Jenny’s Pennies

(This post is going to be a lot more personal than I intended for this blog. But I feel it needs to be written, at least for the sake of my own sanity. I might take it down later. It is written in burning anger and through burning tears. /disclaimer)

I’m a failure.

You see, I am unemployed. There it is. Alright, I do some occasional freelance writing, but not as much as I like to pretend. I am a lazy parasite. A no-good spoiled rotten whiny double degree university grad.

And I am so fucking sick of it. I am so fucking sick of being the subject of other peoples misguided beliefs (”anybody can get a job. people are just lazy”), of their nose-in-the-air holier-than-thou letters to the editor, of their opinions page analysis (”people are just not employable enough”), of their debates and their “advice” (in the words of our minister of finance, to unemployed people within the field of natural science, you know, like cell biologists and quantum physicists: 1. apply for jobs 2. continue your education).

Have you updated your CV? Are you sure there are no typos? Are you sure there are no typos (and did you know that to be sure you can read it upside down!)? Did you let someone else read through it? Do you have any unexplained “gaps” in your CV? Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes - those gaps are called “life”, but in a world where everything, from choice of high school program to your Facebook profile, seems to be about being “employable”, I guess “life” isn’t a good enough explanation.

People tell me that I should just get any job (as if McDonald’s would hire a 28 year old with a degree in political science who knows her rights and will call bullshit when she sees it). They say that life shouldn’t just be about work, that I should say that nah, six years of university didn’t get me anywhere, but you know that you can have a fulfilling life outside for work, right?!
And did you know that by working at McDonald’s you can gain valuable experience that will be very useful when you apply for that job in public information or as an administrative official at some governmental body!
(As I said, I call bullshit when I see it.)

I am fucking sick of my friends telling me that it will work out. Sorry. I am sick of seeing people’s faces when we haven’t met in a while, and I tell them that, nope still no job. I am sick of hearing “Really!? But you are so talented! I don’t understand it!” I am sick of hearing that most people get a job after 3-4 months. Especially people like me. People with an education, people who have access to the language, the social skills, the capacity. Well I haven’t, apparently.

So I must be a failure.
But whining and ranting like this won’t get me anywhere! No, I must start calling employers (or stop calling employers, depending on whose advice you listen to), and purge my CV of all things irrelevant for the job in question (but then there will be gaps! and there can be no gaps!), and work at a telemarketing job to show future employers that I am willing to work (but they really only look at relevant experience) and I must immediately delete this post cause who would want to hire such a person, she will only complain and will probably leave after a while cause you know, she’s 28 and married so she’ll have kids soon anyway.

Fuck off.
(To hypothetical future employers out there: that was not directed at you.)